Love yourself

I'm quite busy lately with my job. It takes me away for a while from thinking about my next destination. There are lots of things to do before the day. I make my own list. Hoping I can make it in time because after that I don't believe it's necessary for me pursue the list nor meeting it. Gosh, the list is so pack and complex at the same time.

Figuring what is next to come eagering me to move on. Guess life is not that easy after all. Life is not that perfect when we haven't got its meaning. It's up to us dechipering all of its meaning.

For some my life is easy as it sounds. The path is so smooth. As for me, I can't justify the value of it. I tend to harmonize it to suit my evey need. I love what going on with my life, every challenge and trouble I face everyday. Without it, life wasn't that interesting anymore. I face every difficulty without ignoring myself. I tried my luck even though in the end things didn't go my way. I get that satisfaction rather than holding myself and quiting with excuses. Just say whatever you want but I believe life must be like that. With challenge and barrier, man will never set foot on the moon. Trust yourself when others didn't. Don't think that life is simple as yourself. Simple life is good when things happen smoothly. It would be simple as it if life full of 'surprises'. To simplify my life, I get everything done in front of others.

There are time when had to let life drifts us along and fight from being drown. There are time when we have to hold on to something when we are not strong enough to fight. As for me, I have to let go everything I have just for another chance in life. I know I can't bear the burdens on my shoulders alone.

Never bother about others when they never appreciate what they're having. Love yourself. It doesn't mean that you're being selffish. When you love yourself, you love those who are around you because you yourself need to love and being cared. That's what 'love yourself' means.

Summon me...

Whenever you need me.... I'm always here for you
Keep me close to you, I wish not to lose you... Deep in my heart, there is a sorrow.. Keeping me away though my smiles always spurs out of nowhere...
I always have this fear... Fear of losing myself.. Losing all these wonderful precious memories....
I'm helpless, hopeless...
I just let the life leads me wherever it go...
If your ever know me, rememmber me...
Don't ever forget me though I never know you...
Now I'm here reminiscing my past, the glory of the prouds, the glory of the forgottens..

Probably my last call

It has been a while I haven't update anything in this blog. This blog is like a journey's diary.

I had made the biggest decision in my life. I'm the person who lives in the past. The get over with it, I need to leave it behind. Though I'm going to miss all the moments treassured.

There is no use to keep it. Recent event trigger my conscience to do so. I'm greatly stunned and devastated by such 'action' done by those whom my heart cared the most.

I might be weird for me being blurred by that time. I hope everyone will understand it. It's about time I 'give' what's inside. All the memories... What a life I had been through, I can make last call...

Few weeks left before the moments arrive in front of my eyes. Guess I'm not that lucku. I can accept that. I can't say sorry nor thank you. Just let life be like that. Perfect in its way; fragile and unique.

I have a new journey after that. Journey of life. Can't describe it yet. Hope the treatment is not that harsh. Same as always, the same with new perspectives. Gosh, I can't imagined it as I count the days left...

God I'm thankful for all your bless. Thanks for the great sorely imperfect life...

Show me the paths cause I might get lost along the way. I'm want to do everything I possibly could in life. Achieved what most people desire to.

I hope this is the best decision I ever made, for good and rest of it.

The true Machiavellian

This is based on true story of a Machiavellian, someone who strongly held this principal in this modern era. The founder of this principal is Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli which holds on "The end justify the end". The story described as below:

M: "I found the book about Machiavellian when I was an undergraduate. The book was quite interesting which has the same ideology with me; the end result is important. I spent a week reading to understand every content of the book. I realize that in order to maintain the stability of a nation, the power of influence and persuasion indeed the most important elements in order to execute anything which seems to be 'wrong' and make it look 'right' in public's eyes. No matter what methods(means) use to reach your objectives(end), it should be seen 'right' to the majority."

M: "When I start my career at local company, I use this ideology in good use; manipulating others own needs, weakness and exploiting it(emotion) to make them 'obey' every orders from me. Within months, I gain influence within the company and trust from the leaders. Every methods or ways that I do never being turn down. The phrase "It's time for you to do me a favor" is the name of the order."

M: "There was a man from a customer company seek help from me and he was in deep trouble. I help him without hesitate and calm him down saying "don't worry my friend, trust me, everything is going to be fine" and true, everything was going smoothly for him and ME. Whenever I in need of help involving his field as an executioner and decision maker, "help me like the way I help you before" and he obey it. And that's how I GAIN him and so with everyone. Make them believe us, and put them as 'dummy' in my plan. Comfort them whenever they need it, make them happy(cheer them up) and never let them felt small. That's why, nobody tries to go against my order even though they didn't like it. I terminate those who can pose threat on my 'regime', sabotage their prestige and take away their credit(make them look bad) and playing mind games with them(make friends)."

M: "I see that human needs and emotion easily spotted once you gained their trust. The trust they hold for the rest of their life. Make them felt like family, they wanted to be acknowledge, loved and cared. Once they got that, carefully 'inject' your plan slowly because your objective means the most. Never ever felt pity on them and never let your emotion takes control of everything. That is what true Machiavellist really was."

M: "I started to gain influence and support from every areas of people and I designed a plan that will changed the company atmosphere entirely. I gain trust and support from the executives and leaders and easily climbed the management ladder but I try not to push myself up so quickly. I try to avoid attention from certain 'people' "

M: "Yes, it was so silent, nobody expect your intent and everything that was done by you was 'fantastic' and they believe that is was the right thing to do."

M: "Until someday I decide to withdraw myself from this business, I started to felt bored with what I had done. I started to think about the people, their needs and cared about them. I lose sight on my objectives after reading a "book" which I can't described by words. Every content of it was so TRUE and PURE. Probably in time, I'll tell you about it. The book was about HOPE and FAITH that every person who in need of it(or lost)."

When did the last time you practice this ideology?

M: "Which one? Machiavellian? Not long ago."

Why did you do it?

M: "Well, even though I had changed and left it for good, something moves me to do it again. Actually I'm proud to be a Machiavellian. Let's call it the truth of all truth"

You mean about what you had told me just now? Is there any truth behind it?

M: "Yes. It would shocked lots of people once they know it. What I had planned so smoothly just to get my objectives. I was so sweet when it happens according to plan and I had just succeed it!"

M: "It was this subject that I had targeted that interest me during that time. I embraced anything possible in order to get close to the subject. I follow whatever 'it' want, look for whatever 'it' needs and absorb whatever the problems. By time, I able to 'get' what I want. Time by time, I make 'it' felt safe and follow anything I desire. I didn't aim high to avoid liability towards me. What a sinister plan isn't it? Well that's my specialties. When the time has come and things happen according to my well designed plan, I created possible scenes in order to get the 'process' flows smoothly according to my plan without the need to feel guilty. Now the subject live without knowing the true story behind it. I had accomplished my objectives. It's kind of fun you know, playing around without being blamed. That's all. To get truth of all truth 'you', 'it', 'they', 'them' needs to meet me to know the truth, I won't reveal it publicly. Come to me to know the truth. Prepared to be shocked about the truth. Man, people going to kill me after they found out the truth haha...it's up to them to know the truth"

That's look really ...... I can't described it in words. Well thanks for sharing Mr Machiavelli.

M: "Indeed. You're welcome."

Now that was the true story from a person who once hold strongly on this ideology. Everyone has desire to be what they want, it's only our way and method of reaching our goal is important not the result. Truth of all truth? Hmm I wonder what does he means by that. Did he 'planned' all this? Better try not to think about this. it's so twisted.

Cinta 18cm

Hari-hari berlalu begitu indah bagiku kerana di masa kesusahan dan gembiraku dia senantiasa bersamaku. Aku meletakkan kepercayaan kepadanya dengan sepenuh hati walaupun beza antara kami berdua hanyalah 18cm. Hidup begitu indah di awal permulaannya tiada yang cacat celanya dan aku merasakan hidup begitu bermakna.

Tanpa ku sedari, hujan turun di tengahari...kepercayaan yang ku letakkan telah dikhianati...namun aku redha kerana ia bukan hak aku...

Seorang kawan pernah berkata "tiada maknanya mencintai orang yang tidak mencintai kita apa seadanya" lalu aku mengambil keputusan untuk menamatkan 'cerita' itu tanpa membiarkan ia berlanjutan sekaligus menghancurkan hati yang telah sedia remuk...aku bukan buah catur sesuka hati menunggu untuk dipilih...

Remuk kerana apa yang aku usahakan, apa yang ku rancangkan 'mati' di tengah jalan...tiada lagi "10 langkah di hadapan" kerana "langkah itu telah terhenti"

Bila kepentingan diri menguasai maka keluarlah alasan demi alasan untuk mempertahankan diri, malangnya bagi ku itu bukan alasan tapi itu adalah 'fitrah' untuk menyenangkan diriku ini. Yang terbaik tapi bukan pilihan yang terbaik jadi apakah alasannya? Itu menyebabkan diri terasa bodoh. Jika itu 'alasannya' mengapa memberi 'peluang'?

18cm walaupun tidak besar bezanya tapi itulah 'beza' yang diungkapkan untuk mematikannya...Simbolik itulah itu (bak kata orang Sabah)

Kini hidup diteruskan untuk suatu destinasi...Kawan? Sentiasa bersamaku, tidak tahulah 'kawan' tu, mungkin aku lali dengan hidup ini...bosan? mungkin tidak...cuma ku khuatir masa...masa telah banyak mengubah...sebulan sudah cukup untuk mengubah hati manusia tapi aku masih seperti dulu cuma sebahagian dari diriku mula hilang...I'm still the same person then who has changed?

Hanya kerana 18cm aku terseksa...rakan-rakan ku kecewa..mengapa 18cm? Tapi in the end of the day, pasti kata-kata "orang-orang yang teraniaya pasti...."

I'm happy being freed from 'this' chain and God shows me before it's too late and shows who she really was..Thanks God for revealing it earlier before I'm disappointed, if it weren't because of You, I wouldn't know who she really was and you tell me what was 18cm really is. God, you saved me. I put my TRUST on you because it's hard for me to trust others even they ask for it.

My advice:

Careful when someone says that they love you, probably they are so desperate in love and you might end as loneliness substitute for them. Love someone who really loves you, you can see that in his/her eye and wills'.

Once you noticed that they act differently ask them for the truth. End it before it gets painful for you to accept. My mistakes; I never care to notice her behaviors which is different than the one I saw before. I noticed it but I thought she was in blue so I try my best to cheer her out. At least I'm better off without her.